Touching on the guilt I spoke of earlier in regards to tourist degradation of local traditions and lifestyle, the guilt peaks upon your first visit to Bangla Road. It’s a sleazy display of the lengths locals will go to in order to exploit the consistently high tourist population, but don’t let the guilt restrain your opportunity for enjoyment! Wallowing about the wrongdoings of our generation will only waste relaxation and… (I feel so mid-90s)… “party” time! The “party” capital of Phuket is Patong, and the “party” capital of Patong is the infamous Bangla Road.
If hundreds of drunken tourists and a disturbingly high concentration of lady-men is your thing, then I’d advise you camp yourself as close to Bangla Road as possible! [tip: without the benefit of experience, I’m willing to bet most are post-op given how convincing most of them are, just a handy tip for those of you who believe in the “what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand”] Once you can get past the seedy appearance of it all, there is an extremely vibrant atmosphere that is difficult to dislike if there is ‘fun’ somewhere within you. Tens and tens of bars with pole-dancing ‘lady-boys, tourists getting loose and abundance of cheap drinks… what more could you possibly want?
If hundreds of drunken tourists and a disturbingly high concentration of lady-men is your thing, then I’d advise you camp yourself as close to Bangla Road as possible! [tip: without the benefit of experience, I’m willing to bet most are post-op given how convincing most of them are, just a handy tip for those of you who believe in the “what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand”] Once you can get past the seedy appearance of it all, there is an extremely vibrant atmosphere that is difficult to dislike if there is ‘fun’ somewhere within you. Tens and tens of bars with pole-dancing ‘lady-boys, tourists getting loose and abundance of cheap drinks… what more could you possibly want?
You’re bound to be aggressively hit-on by a lady-boy seeking enough baht to afford chondrolaryngoplasty (the reduction of the ‘adams apple’), but be aware: don’t respond aggressively with your refusal. You’ll find out the hard way that testosterone wasn’t removed with “her” testicles, and there are a large number of Thai pimps hiding in the shadows ready to threaten and throw down! If you can avoid these confrontations, you’ve done well for yourself. Just keep moving to the next bar!
Here’s a tip for the lone traveller in Patong: Ring the bell at any of the bars, you’re bound to make friends pretty quickly! Just remember though, it will cost you 1000 baht (about $35 AUD or $25 USD), but everyone at the bar gets a shot! If you’re lucky, you’ll find a bar with a group of rowdy Australians looking to lighten their pockets (I know because I was in that group, strangely we found our ‘group’ grew pretty quickly).
Here’s a tip for the lone traveller in Patong: Ring the bell at any of the bars, you’re bound to make friends pretty quickly! Just remember though, it will cost you 1000 baht (about $35 AUD or $25 USD), but everyone at the bar gets a shot! If you’re lucky, you’ll find a bar with a group of rowdy Australians looking to lighten their pockets (I know because I was in that group, strangely we found our ‘group’ grew pretty quickly).
If you’re really looking for a headache, ask for “the bucket” (a bucket full of vodka and red-bull… somewhat out of proportion). While you’re circling through the congregation of bars, be sure to challenge the bar staff to a game of connect 4 or the ‘hammer and nail’ game. I even came across a 4-year old boy - who was the son of the bar owner and was extremely skilled -challenging (and beating) all of the rowdy tourists till sunrise!
Something to possibly avoid: There are “hidden” nightclubs above some of the bars on Bangla Road. Overall, they’re similar to most mainstream nightclubs anywhere else, including a cover-charge and more expensive drinks, but it’s the fact that it resembles a cross-dressing red-light district crammed into a room that makes it something to avoid… unless that’s your thing. Adding to this notion, there are countless other night spots in Phuket that are just poor attempts to mimic Western nightclubs. The reality is, most people are seeking something a little different, that’s why I think Bangla Road is the place to be!
If you’re looking for an… ahem… ‘experience’, then follow one of the countless local marketing geniuses promoting the ‘peep shows’ all along Bangla Road. Their tactics rarely surpass the “look at this brochure, you like? Now follow me”, but for a first-time visitor, it’s tough to resist curiosity. You’ll sometimes be led down seedy side streets and into a tacky building, then you’ll emerge through a door and be confronted with countless other embarrassed faces of curious tourists, anxiously awaiting the horrors ping-pong balls and small birds (yes, birds) will bring. [Tip: There is no cover-charge for the show, however the drinks are grossly overpriced in the 300 baht vicinity, and you’re obliged to buy one. Do make sure that you have several witnesses when you pay for your drink, as they can try to intimidate you into paying twice!]
Basically, Patong Beach is a fairly chaotic westernized fragment of Thailand that boasts beautiful beaches and a hectic nightlife. If it’s a serious cultural experience that you seek… look elsewhere! If you seek sheer relaxation, perhaps head to Phuket's calmer neighbours to Patong - Karon or Kata Beach, only about 20 minutes away! Otherwise, there are various alternatives in Thailand such as Koh Chang (relatively untouched when compared to Phuket) or Phi Phi Island. But if you're just looking for a bit of fun with loads of beer and cocktails, ignore the recent negativity... go to Patong!
